How to clean up vomit from carpet — and just about everywhere else.

Vomit is the worst. Vomiting is bad enough, but cleaning up vomit — especially someone else’s — is almost too much for many of us to bear.

But when that time comes, hopefully you will have read this article, and you’ll know exactly how to get throw up out of carpet and from just about anywhere else.

Ready? First things first:

Vomit clean-up duty is a big drag — especially if puke makes you upchuck. Here’s what to do if you’re that person:

• Go to your happy place. If you can’t shake the sound of your kid losing their lunch, or your mind’s eye won’t stop playing it back on a video loop, you’ll have to fight much harder to keep your own lunch where it belongs.
• Put a mint or fresh piece of gum in your mouth.
• Drop a couple blops of essential oil or a little vapor rub on a cotton ball, and tuck it into your face mask. You won’t smell a thing!
• Put on a pair of sunglasses. This will protect your eyes in the event a virus got spewed into the air when It Happened. Sunglasses will also help mask the colors, shapes, and texture of the hurl.

Someone suffering from a hangover? Here’s how to feel better quicker.

Here’s what you might need to get vomit out of carpet and more, depending on where, what kind, and how much:

Strip the bed: Just fold the whole shebang of bedding over on itself like you’re making a vomit chimichanga. Don’t discriminate — even if the puke didn’t make it to the pillows, strip off the cases, and add them to the pile.

If you need to wash your pillows, bag ‘em for now — but go toss the bedding in the washing machine, pronto.

Wash in hot water to disinfect: Wash the bedding in hot water with your favorite natural detergent — add a laundry booster for extra cleaning power.

If things are really serious, run a hot rinse cycle before you wash. Dry the bedding on the hottest dryer setting.

Clean the mattress: Follow our instructions on how to clean a mattress to get all traces of vomit — both real and imaginary — out of your bed and banish any lingering odors.

Clean the washing machine: Run the self-clean setting on your washing machine to get out any residual smells and waste.

Spray with vinegar: Check for colorfastness, then generously spray the vinegar and water solution on and around the puked-on area.

Sprinkle with baking soda: Sprinkle baking soda liberally over the vinegar-soaked, puked-on carpet or upholstery.

Let it sit for a couple of hours: Once it’s absorbed the remaining liquid and odors, vacuum thoroughly. Immediately toss the vacuum cleaner bag or empty the receptacle in the trash, and remove it from the house.

Disinfect the part of the vacuum that touched the floor or upholstery.

Steam-clean to disinfect: At some point, you might want to take a steam cleaner to the carpet or upholstery to really get in there and kill those microscopic nasties.

Check out just how well baking soda and vinegar can clean a carpet too.

Mop with microfiber: Combine one part vinegar, one part water, and a big squirt of mild dish soap. Thoroughly mop the floor in the entire room with a microfiber mop and the solution. Squeeze as much water out of the mop as you can if the vomit is on hardwood floors.

Wash the mop head: Toss it in a hot water cycle with a very mild laundry detergent, and line-dry it — ideally in the sun.

Read why microfiber is your best bet for banishing germs.

Hopefully, you’re at home when you get puked on. If so, rip those nasty clothes off your body, shake them off outside, wash them on a hot cycle, and dry them on high heat. If they’re delicates, put them in a mesh bag, use warm water and non-chlorine bleach, and hang them to dry in the sun.

If you’re not at home, hoo boy! Here’s what to do:

Find a bathroom: Use paper towels to scrape and soak up anything visible.

Rinse: Get a paper towel soaking wet, and rinse off the soap.

Blot dry: Use paper towels to soak up the liquid until you’re dry enough to rejoin whatever wild party got you barfed on in the first place.

If your seats are upholstered in fabric: Follow the directions for cleaning vomit out of carpet and upholstery.

If your seats are leather: Mix a few drops of mild dish soap in some distilled water. Gently rub the affected area with a soft cloth saturated with the solution.

If the puke is in nooks or crannies: Use a damp microfiber duster on a handle to dig into those spots.